February 05, 2020

Damn this girl ain't consistent

My older brother once told me, always be consistent. He gives really good advice normally, but that time wasn't so much my favorite. I am one of the lease consistent people ever, and I guess what I mean by that is that I cannot keep to a routine or stick to things very long. Whether it's waking up early, meditating, exercising, or even writing a blog (it's been almost one year since I wrote my last post) I suck at routines. I hate them so much that I would go out of my way to not have them. But now that I have been out of a traditional nine to five job for a couple of years now, I've been flirting with this desire for routine. I'd like to make a quick caveat here, that I prefer to use the term ritual, since for me the term routine implies a sense of dead repetitive movement, ritual for me implies an action with a living intention behind it.

So this is a great topic to discuss in my (almost) one year anniversary, I initially thought to start out by recapping the year to see if I made "enough" growth or "expected" growth this year. This language reminds me of being back in school, as a teacher and as a student, to progress reports and teacher evaluations. No thank you. I have made the growth that I have made. Growth isn't linear, and I admit sometimes during this past year I was probably growing backwards, or ungrowing or taking steps back. I think that's normal, it's like the two-step jig, one step forward, one step back, swing your partner round and round, then you have to touch the ground. Something like that. But in serious face, personal growth is always very jaggedy and rocky, it's not perfect. It's more sexy that way, there needs to be a little mystery. 

That being said, now I can recap the year and see where I grew and where I would like to implement a ritual, our routine, or habit, or Repetitive Healthy Action.

"RHA! RHA! RHA!" shouted the cheer captain. 

I moved across the country. I got married. I started my website. I got my own printer. I made some dope fliers. I am learning Adobe Photoshop & Illustrator. I am getting MUCH better at organizing my art. I sold my car. I work two days a week. I am eating healthier.
I would like to implement a ritual or routine around making art. I seem to always make art in between times rather than on a schedule. I feel like a lot of times it's either got to be something I feel ready or in the mood to work on. For that reason, I'm a beast at multi projects, I start many projects and catch up with them when I am in the mood. For instance now writing this blog post. I seem to have been possessed to write. I cannot really stop. It is flowing from me. I wish I could harness that all the time and direct it toward the project of my choosing (I was compelled to go on the computer and work because I was not feeling my drawing this morning).

An antidote to continuing on a drawing that may have started to run dry could be to start on another drawing, build up my excitement again about the whole drawing process.  Maybe this one drawing got me down, but that doesn't mean I can't draw another one.

So pondering on a ritual that will get me to where I want to be. For example, I have this idea of drawing a buttload of bootleg cartoon characters. I know that there might be a sense of reluctance to get started sometimes. And really there needs to be something that I am excited to do or be a part of. One thing for example may be to light some inscents while I draw. a little action like this can be immensely gratifying. Also creating the space I want to work in.

This is my next goal to be working on. Refining my rituals around the work that I do so that the work becomes more intentional and enjoyable on those days when it doesn't flow.

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